Intro to Miss Understood...

If you want to see somebody's true colors... simply say "no". I know that regardless of what people claim to be to me... I am still alone when my tears fall. I am Miss Understood... I will give you my last dollar, I will set aside my wants to help you with your needs, I will listen to your pains knowing that you have no idea what my heart is feeling. I find solace amidst the ignorance. I find comfort in holy pages. Guilty for giving myself to him before I should have... to proud to let the words absorb... I know my worth. I know my past. I know my heartache and I know my fears. Holding on to what I know. Self preservation. Never have I craved companionship... I find comfort in being alone. Deep breath... Never let them see me cry... never let them know who you are because they don't really care and even if they did only you can heal your own pain. I am at fault for not looking towards the future but looking at the past... but its because I never want to go back there. I have found happiness by acknowledging reality. I have low expectations for everybody and in the end I am NEVER really disappointed because I didnt expect much from the beginning. I can't help who I am and I don't want to help it. I love my life as it is. I am protected and I am fine not letting anybody in. When we take in our first breathe we are alone and when we take our last breathe we will be alone. I create my destiny... I make the bed I lie in. I am hard to find but a treasure when found. If my life choices bother you so much then simply remove me from your life. It's that easy. Like the air you breath... inhale... exhale... let me go. If you knew the stories... if you took time to hear of the battles... you would understand. Justification isn't really necessary if you trust. I can't endure the "I love yous" not everybody is cut out for the "relationship" thing... So here is my apology for not saying I love you back... for turning my head when you kiss... for giving myself to you too soon and sayin it meant nothing... for not crying when others would have... for making my kindness look like weakness... for backing away when it all got too deep... for not wanting to have children... for leaving without saying goodbye... for giving you such a good thing then taking it away... and now for saying fuck you... I'm aware when I'm ready it may be too late... but that is a risk I am sooo willing to take. I can't be yours because I'm... mine...